I can’t help much, but I can commiserate. I guess even as much as I heard about the hours required of them, it didn’t hit until he started third year this summer and is at the hospital for 70+ hours per week. We really want kids within the next couple years, but man is it terrifying to think about having a baby with someone with this schedule. He talks about the attendings he meets and how they’re constantly volunteering for extra hours or more activities at the hospital even though they have families at home and it makes me worried that our kids will one day play second fiddle to his work. Here’s to hoping he falls in love with a specialty that requires less time commitment lol

Wait till after residency to do the whole kid thing. You'll thank me later. Enjoy your time before all of that. His/her career does come first. Medicine is life for a awhile m

My best advice is to be busy AF yourself.

I'm in gradschool and have several hobbies myself. I have never really had the problem of my 4th year hubby not having enough time for me.

Constantly! At various times you will read from people on this post whose SOs are working 80-100 hour weeks, absent for weeks or months at a time, and zombies when they get home from the hospital or clinic. Absence and a demanding work life do come with the territory.

It was helpful to me to decide that I am going to make the best of the life we have now. I'm not the first person in the history of the world, or even our country, to deal with an SO who is gone alot. At several points in recent history spouses had to go to war! Mine just goes to the hospital!

This is not to minimize how difficult it is, but my level of life-satisfaction drastically increased once I committed to providing myself and my kids with the best life possible, regardless of how much the SO is working or out of town. It is really hard, and will be stressful, and dissatisfying at times, but deciding to accept the lifestyle is critical.

My husband is an M4, and I have definitely had to reframe my thinking. We had our first child at the beginning of M2, and our 2nd is due in a few weeks. Some weeks are harder than others!

Things that have helped us as his schedule gets busier:

• therapy for me
• built in “me” time every week, even if it means getting a sitter.
• we had talks before we even married about how I wanted to stay home with the babes while they were young. That’s been a harder adjustment that I thought! So approaching being at home as my job, even though it’s way different than working in my career field. And way more fun, tbh
• lots of communication about what the other needs emotionally
• my husband working to be home when he’s home (he does a really good job with it!)
• making the absolute most of the time we do have together

We are learning as we go, but having a family with a medical professional is definitely possible. And you are definitely not alone with your concerns and fears!

OP you need to separate these two things. Your desire to pursue medicine and your desire for a meaningful relationship that can lead to a family. It’s far too much stress.

Be honest with yourself and those who you engage with romantically. This is what you’re drawn to do, and it comes with a personal pricetag. That doesn’t by any means equate to not being able to have the relationships you seek. Take a deep breath friend and take it day to day. Take money out of the equation. Think about your personal goals and the person you think has complimentary ones you can each support.

I’m coming to med far later in life (I hope), but I promise you as bleak as it feels now, it’s just not. You have so much life in front of you, and the fact that you’ve focused on a career that is built for you shows passion and dedication. Stick to your vision.

Female surgeon here (surgical subspecialty, I finished training at age 37). I love my career and I love my 2 kids. I had them at age 35 and age 39. Most of my female doctor friends had kids late, but we all had kids. Some of us needed IVF, some did not. Several of my friends didn’t even marry until mid residency or being an attending.

If you want work life balance, pick a spouse who wants to be the primary parent. Be picky about finding the right partner, there are a lot of single people out there you could fall in love with, so make sure they are on the same page regarding business/money goals and parenting approaches.

You don’t have to leave medicine, or give up on having a family. If you are feeling despondent, get a therapist, start an antidepressant, learn to meditate, and lean into residency instead of resenting it.

Just finished with my husbands training. All 16 years of it. I’m here to tell you through internal med, cards, and interventional cards we attended many weddings. We witnessed many births for our friends and did see a few divorces. Overall, I would say 60% met their match in residency. In a 4 year time period one of his co residents divorced, remarried, and had a baby last week. Stop putting so much stress on yourself. Medicine is hard.. very hard. You’ll find someone, but you can’t force it. The reason your relationships aren’t working isn’t because of medicine, it’s because you haven’t found the right person. You’ll need a strong partner to be a help mate when times are tough, because there WILL be tough times. When you find them, you’ll know. Focus on you and your path and seek out your person peacefully. ❤️ best of luck to you!

How old are you? 27? Starting residency feeling like you missed out on life?

You can get a lot done and still have time to be a good friend. It’s really about efficiency.

I scribed over night during my last three semesters of undergrad and went to the earliest possible classes right after clocking out. I adopted a polyphasic sleep schedule (sleep 2 hours go to class, sleep 3 hours go to club meeting, quick nap before work etc just make sure you total 6 ish hours in a 24 hour period) in retrospect it really weighed on my mental and occasionally made me irritable when I’d go too long without sleep (who woulda thought haha) but for the most part I was still able to make all my club meetings, go to class, and party on the weekends. Working over night in the ER allowed for plenty of downtime to get homework done and study for MCAT. Graduated with a 3.85 in biochem and got a 509 MCAT

The answer is sacrifice! I gave up a good social life so I could get so many activities and hours. I was absolutely miserable but that’s life

Here’s the trick: you don’t sleep lol

I'm gonna be honest my guy.

I distanced myself from my friends. I only hung out with them when convenient with my schedule . Hell, I'm packed this summer and I still do it. I block off some days as "Me days", "Boyfriend days", "Summer School days" , "Shadowing days" , "Internship days" , and "Cousins days".

If my friends are not free when I am free, Tuff. I'm not comingn out. I'll be at home resting.

However, I do stay in touch of course and hung out with them between classes WHILE doing homework, but no way in hell I'm going out clubbing with them.

I also get up really early to get shit done so I have more time to take care of me. I prioritize my relationship with my boyfriend too.

All you got in this world is yourself, so take care of that first. Friends will understand as they should cheer you on.

For what its worth, I did have an amazing 2 semesters of GPA repair (Got my firdt 4.0!!!) on top of being an officer for a very large and understaffed club, planning a cultural graduation ceremony, applying to internships and scoring two of them, and being active in other ECs. Yet, I don't feel bad about missing out or have FOMO.

You have to be willing to miss out on stuff because you are chasing a bigger picture only you can see.

As for other pre-meds with jam packed schedules AND a social life? I think they do cocaine LMAO.

I can’t say anything as a medical professional because I’m not one, but as a piece of personal advice, that idea sounds... not good to me, anyway. Maybe you can make up for your poor gpa, but you’re running on a maybe. Good jobs and good relationships can be hard to find.

Plus, becoming a doctor is one thing, becoming a surgeon is even harder.

Plus, and maybe I’m misinterpreting your post here, but if the grind of getting up at 6 am and staying later than anyone else is part of what’s getting you down... your work load is definitely not going to decrease as a doctor. Especially if you’re aiming for surgeon.

One final thought ... sorry for the long winded response ... I find the desire to be settled comes upon people quickly. You might feel okay going back to school now, but it would suck if you were 2 - 5 years into this marathon and realize that you’re tired of it and you want to get on with your life, but you still have years and years to go. This coming from someone who delayed their career, felt fine with that, and now wishes they were 4 years ahead of where they are.

No way you're getting into medical school with a 2.2 GPA, unless you're a lesbian somalian refugee, in which case they would give you a full ride scholarship.

Make sure you're interested in the actual medical degree and becoming a doctor. It does sound so in your post, but there are so many people that fall in love with the IDEA of studying medicine, the "glitz and glam" - studying off human cadavers, learning about pathology - and wash out in their first/second years. Medical school is incredibly gruelling, and it's hard mentally and physically.

Talk further to your doctor/medical student friends. Take a glance at the most difficult content they are studying and decide whether you'd like to spend a whole new lifetime of 10 years studying towards that type of knowledge.

Personally I would recommend no. Maybe go the RN/Paramedic route if you want to be involved in saving lives, but with a 2.2 GPA and a completely unrelated background - I wouldn't be very hopeful for the MD route. There are some fantastic pre-med candidates that score great on the MCAT and are still rejected - what differentiates you from them, what makes you better? You have the life experience, but they have the background knowledge, and the early exposure to the US medical eduation system which makes them much more competitive compares to you.

There are so many people that go to medical school even at 30, but they usually have science/people related degrees or experience in healthcare, not degrees completely language based like yours in English or IT. Maybe look into it further and consider.

Wishing you the best!

Take a few biology classes in the evening at the local community college.

This is a cheap and easy way to see if you're even going to be able to hack it, and won't require you to torpedo every relationship you have on a gamble.

Cant say what is the right choice for you. Thats for you to decide. I will however confirm for you that you are mostly correct: anticipate 10-12 years commitment (esp if surgical residency), about a quarter million in debt, and possible strained relationships with SO/family. That is absolutely the price of admission. Will it be worth it? Thats a personal decision.

It was worth it for me, and for I think all the other docs I know (may be specialty dependent too). My advice is to get some clinical exposure to know if you are ready to go all in, because you really really have to be all in

i graduated but i knew many people with stellar academics like so. They were just very organized with their time and didn't let themselves get distracted when focusing + ruthlessly prioritizing.

Cal Newport is the guy you want to read up on. He was like this in college and wrote a book called "How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less". All his books are great reads if you're early on in your career / life.

I get you. As a pre-med athlete I’m pretty tired.

This is your decision. You know there isn't a right or wrong but you need to come to terms with the tradeoffs so you don't feel you're making the wrong step.

sleep, grades, friends

Pick two to keep

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Unless you've got to meet a certain grade requirement to continue schooling somewhere I wouldn't worry too much about grades besides just making sure you pass your classes. When you walk into your doctors office and see the certificate on their wall you don't know if they placed first or last in their class, you just know that they graduated.

Not gonna be able to work full time and do med school, boo. Realistically, you could maybe do 1 day a week or switch to something more sporadic like babysitting or petsitting. And unfortunately, you probably can't financially help your parents either. Do you live with them? If you live alone, you need to get a roommate. And take out the max loans you're entitled to.

I had a wife and kid with autism I worked every day at night via dash Ubereats Lyft. I had no spare time I took advantage of any free time I had was for my family. A lot concerta also.

Can you get a roommate? If you can get a roommate you can split the rent and the other utilities like wifi, water, heat, AC and such. Living like a poor, broke student can help at this time. You may need to take out a grad plus loan to cover other expenses, remember when you are done you will have the means to pay for those loans. If you are ok with service back to the US, consider the HPSP military scholarship. It will mean you will give back in service, but you enter as an officer (not for everyone, but might be something to look into).

I support myself with loans, I'm also on foodstamps and medicaid. I pick up side jobs to supplement. Contact the school, they may have resources. Contact the local city and government to see if there's any programs.

You should get an overage on your student loans to cover living expenses.

Going to be extremely difficult as a single parent. To be honest, I think you should stick to your current job. People here will champion you, and that’s great, but I’m not sure it’s what you need Not only will this be extremely challenging making it through IF you get an acceptance, it’s going to significantly impact the life of your daughter. I truly don’t know how you will be able to make it ends meet, care for her, all while fulfilling the role of medical student and eventually residency. I just don’t think it’s an ideal route for you to pursue, and I don’t say that lightly

I think anyone can make it, and traditionally, ironically non-trads have a better chance due to the more experience they have! I think given the opportunity to present your story in a unique narrative, you’ll be fine. Almost everything you listed as your worries is something most if not all premeds worry about as well. IF you are able to, I’d say lessen the responsibilities you have stacked into yourself. You’re clearly doing a LOT and it’s weighing on you. Taking care of yourself is very important, and going outside to get some air can be freeing. I hope everything works out! The time will pass regardless, so keep your head up and keep at it.

I am 38 and applying this cycle. Two MD interviews already. You need to ace the MCAT. It’s all a series of installed, and you just have to focus on the immediate next one. Make sure you shadow and really see what you’re thinking of getting yourself into. It took me 3 years to get to this point, and with three young kids it was a big challenge. But you can do it.

I feel that there should be a disclaimer with any replies (I know you wrote the title so you’re aware) but most of us on here are not able to relate to your circumstances (I can only empathize) so take everything everyone says with a grain of salt. That being said: your circumstances and story is SO DIFFERENT from the vast majority of applicants, which counts for a lot because it stands out. And as a non traditional applicant who has already faced quite a few obstacles-I don’t think some of the standards the majority of us are held to/considered for necessarily apply to you. And with that I’m referencing research. I know the vast majority of admitted applicants have research but you are not the vast majority of applicants.

Obviously I’m no adcom or person with much of any insight, but take into consideration your circumstances when considering what you need to have a strong application. For myself and other more traditional applicants-research is almost a need, yes, but schools are also looking for diversity and individuals who come from varied and diverse backgrounds and circumstances (because the population is varied and diverse).

I personally think that with some clinical hours, a decent MCAT and well thought out school list (and no research) you could be successful.

This is all my thought process and opinion though, a good free resource is Jack Westin advising, you schedule on zoom and super easy. It’s an accessible resource (they’ll pitch their stuff to you for like 5-10 min but other than that they’re pretty good) and you can hear someone more qualified than any measly pre med on this site give you advice and recommendations based on your circumstances.

Basically all I’m trying to say is give yourself grace. Med school will be hard, and it will be hard with your kid. But your child deserves a parent who leads by example about pursuing dreams and never giving up, and who doesn’t give up their dream for them (the last thing you want is to resent your child for stopping you from pursuing your goals). It’s a personal decision and one you don’t make lightly, and it doesn’t seem like you’re making it lightly. You know your family unit best.

You're gonna be 40 and a doctor or 40 and not a doctor.

You get one life. So what you want. Different things are important to different people. If you want to be THE expert, I'd say go for it.

I just asked in this sub if its worth it to go back to med school for EM. I am currently an EM PA. I am early 30s and thinking of going back. I would say just go for it if that is what you want. I think I might end up doing it because I will always regret it if I don't. If you put finances aside you have have to think of what you want in life. As a PA I make enough to support myself and family overseas. I go on vacation when I want. I don't worry about the price of eggs at the store lol. SO put money aside. Do you want to spend all that extra time in med school/residency to be the one in charge or are you ok being the Assistant to the physician :). As a PA in the ER your responsibilities vary widely. I worked at some hospitals where it's just fast track and some of the residents/attending treat you like a dummy. then there are others where you can do whatever you want within your scope of course. I can take high acuity cases, do chest tubes, central lines, intubate (with attending supervision of course). My docs at my main gig trust me and know I love procedures and let me take all the ones I want. Just know as a PA you will never be the one in charge. You will never be one people go to for a crashing patient. Some days I think its nice not to be the leader of the helm and other days I wish I could be handling the sicker cases. I think if I was your age knowing what I know now I would go back in a heartbeat. I don't have kids though and I don't want any either so can't give much thought there. Tried to keep it semi short but happy to answer any questions you might have.

45 and going for it.

Most of my class is women. Nothing is stopping you from this end of things.

M4 here! I’ll be 28 when I graduate at 32/33 when I’m done with residency. Friend is 30 now and she’ll be 31 when she graduates and 35 when done with residency. In terms of life planning, there isn’t a job that’s more secure from any financial crisis than a physican so there’s that. also being a physician gives you so many skills that very few people have that can be applied to jobs that aren’t just clinical (you can have ur own practice in anything, have urgent cares, work in only ED, moonlight etc) and in terms of having children and marriage if that’s important to you, it’s totally doable. I’ve seen many a pregnant residents, married classmates and one of my classmates just had her baby. The only thing I would strongly consider are the loans you take out. It’s not that big a deal if you’re using the grad plus loan but if that’s capped or done away with, you need to use private loans to pay for school which have much higher interest rates and are a little predatory because why is that even an option?? I personally have no regrets because I will have a very high paying job with an almost unlimited ceiling (I’m into entrepreneurship and innovation which is always happening in medicine) , you will have way more autonomy, I like the effect you have on peoples lives, the system of medicine gets a lot of flack but I live by the minds set of if it’s outside my locus of control (ie the hospital system ) I shouldn’t be / try my best not to be too stressed and pressed about it. And if I wasn’t in medicine I’d be in business school but I have never thought once while studying for exams and during rotations, “damn I wish I was in business school” or “fuck a mindless 9-5 sounds amazing”. I’m also a pretty optimistic person so take this with a grain of salt. You’ll meet plenty of people and doctors who say medicine sucks and still go to their doctor job everyday / apply to med school. Always go after your goals! You only live once and you’ll feel better going for it and getting it or pivoting because you realize it’s not for you. You have so much life to live and don’t let fear stop you from achieving your goals. I’d say go for it