I was in a similar boat. Wedding is local for half of the bridesmaids but not the rest or myself. I wasn’t 100% sold on a Bachelorette trip but some of the bridesmaids wanted to so I agreed to gauge interest with the rest and if only a few wanted to, we could make it small and intimate! In the end everyone was interested! We went with New Orleans. Someone else recommended sending out a form so that’s what I did. I’m attaching my questions that I asked about it.

This is a know your crowd thing. I had a destination bachelorette and am having a destination wedding. I'm 36, a lot of my friends have young kids and loved an excuse to get away. We did only two nights (fri-sunday) over a 1 hour flight for most people so it only required one day of PTO. Three of my friends actually went early on Thursday because they wanted an extra night of child free time. 11 people came to my bachelorette, and 70 people are coming to my wedding. But this is pretty common in my friend group to have a destination bachelorette and to stay two nights in a hotel even for a local-ish wedding. I had a few friends that a travel bachelorette was not in the cards for them and that was totally fine. It was 100% optional including for my bridal party and I was not upset or disappointed in anyone who said no.

I'm in the same boat! I'm doing a destination wedding that is about a 6-8 hours drive from where me and my 2 MOHs (no bridesmaids) live. No flights would be needed, but obviously it's still an ordeal. I'd like to do a bachelorette party if possible (didn't do an engagement party, not expecting a bridal shower either). But since the three of us won't be living in the same area, it would involve travel for us all to get together, so it would also have to be a destination bachelorette. I like the idea of doing an anonymous google survey, but with just two girls, I think I'm just gonna have a talk with each and see what they're thinking. However, since you have more people, I think the google survey would be great for you to gauge interest and ability to spend. Since you already have a few girls down, sounds like you already some interest/spending ability in your group, so I don't think you have anything to lose by asking everyone else. You can always preface it with that this is absolutely optional and you had people asking you questions, which is why you decided to send it out.

Also, you know your crowd best. Do they travel frequently? Do they seem to have the income to spend? Some people on here would be an immediate no, but other people couldn't imagine not doing a bachelorette trip for their friends, so it all depends! Personally, I know both of my MOHs love to travel and I think would have the funds, my concern is more their work schedules/PTO. Good luck and I hope you all figure out a way to have a great bach trip!

Honestly, the friends who want to go and can go will. I did my bach in the Carribbean, and we live in CA, so it's a bit of a flight. I told all my friends that if they want to come they're welcome to but no pressure if they can't. I also mentioned that there were certain activities I wanted to do when I got there (again, they didn't have to join in for all - though everyone did anyways) being super flexible and not making them feel like they have to do every activity helps. I had 10 gals with me, and we shared a huge Airbnb, and it was seriously such a blast! I planned the whole trip and made welcome bags for everyone as a thank you for coming.

Send friends anon Google form to assess interests and capacities. Try to pick somewhere in a different region than the wedding if it helps make it so that certain friends don't have to fly the farthest 2x. And make it clear to everyone that it's not expected to come (as you already mentioned) - and maybe plan one activity during it that friends can video call in for, so that if they can't come they don't totally miss out! Could be a Zoom trivia thing, slideshow party about you and the groom (people make a short slideshow about you, a memory etc and each present it - can be so funny!). Good luck!! ❤️

I think this is a "know your audience" thing. My closest friends have all had destination bachelorette parties (mine will be too), but we all live in separate cities and most would have to travel no matter what. We're also in our late 30s, so most of us have the money and job flexibility to do this without much stress.

3 years is way too early to be asking anybody anything. Friendships can change a lot of that period of time.

I also live in Canada and where I live the etiquette is that the bride doesn't plan her own bachelorette. Her bridal party and friends plan it for her in her honor. They may ask if she has any preferences within their budgets, but it's not expected that anyone would have to save up for an out of country trip. Perhaps the etiquette is different where you live.

The idea also seems a bit incongruous when you are already panning how to keep the wedding low cost for you.

Is this the kind of thing they like to do and can easily afford to do?

In any case, 3 years out seems too early to really plan. Lots can change in 3 years. Friendships change. Life circumstances change (a bridesmaid could lose her job or have a baby, etc)

Plus, as another pointed out, bachelorettes and showers are events thrown for you by your loved ones. Obviously you have a big day in what’s going on, but I think it might be a bit much to start off by asking for them to pay for and attend the bachelorette you already planned out without them...

I’d be flexible and start off very causal, “so what do you think of going to Florida for the bachelorette?”

You’re not an asshole to ask. You’d be an asshole if they said no or expressed legitimate concerns, and you still went ahead with it anyways.

Not having a destination wedding doesn’t mean you need to have a destination bachelorette. Ask your girls but don’t be hurt if they can’t swing it.

Hey, I’ve been in your shoes as the MOH for my sister’s wedding, and yeah, planning can be a beast, even for a low-key trip. We went to a beach in the southeast too, and coordinating everything from dinner to decorations was a juggling act. I didn’t use a traditional travel planner, but I found this app called FlowTrip that helped keep everything organized and on track. It let us manage RSVPs, itineraries, all that jazz in one place. Came in handy when I felt like I was losing my mind balancing all those details. Worth checking out if you want to keep your sanity intact!

I ended up using a notion template to make an interactive website and it rocked. It cost $3 and was a perfect home base so as the planner I didn’t have to get stressed answering questions all of the time 😊. https://www.notion.so/marketplace/templates/bachelorette-party-hq-site

Also had a voting function so people could choose what night activities we did!

Maybe this group is different, but personally as a woman in her late 30s I would have zero interest in games at a bachelorette party. Cant we just hang by the pool, have some good food and get a few spa treatments? I think a mistake that a lot of bachelorette parties make is over-scheduling. Seconding the idea of a private chef we did that for a friend's bachelorette party and it was nice to have a low key evening after going out dancing the night before. 

Absolutely. I just want to have one or two activities on the itinerary so it breaks up the days, and shows the effort I have put into considering the plans. Of course relaxation time would be included in that.

• My girls got pink Team Bride cups made and a few white Bride cups that we drank out of all weekend.
• If a private chef is in the budget, that would be a fun experience for everyone
• After being by the pool, the group might enjoy a chill movie night with popcorn/candy
• Champagne/Prosecco Pong (think beer pong but with champagne)
• One night could be a dress code of "Wear the outfit that you have nowhere to wear it" (probably can be phrased better but you get the gist) and do karaoke at the house
• Themed cocktails and snacks (bonus points for fun pun labels)
• I got custom temporary tattoos made of my friend's face for her birthday and we all sneakily put them on to surprise her when she came out of the shower one night. It was amusing.

Apologies if these ideas are super boring.

When I was in my 30s, I would have wanted spa time, maybe some lightly scheduled sight-seeing if out of town, lots of time by the pool, fun cocktails, and good food. I'm in my 40s now and would want pretty much the same. I got married at 40 and we did the spa and then a night out at a swanky cocktail place with nice food. My best friend is having hers soon and we're doing a foodie night out and then relaxing at a lake house.

It's been a long time since I did games at a bachelorette (probably in my 20s) and one that we did was a Bingo, but I can't remember the context except I think maybe we did that while out for drinks. I also went to an 80s club for a combined bachelor/bachelorette party and that was fun (probably because most of us were Gen Xers).

That trip sounds like it’s going to be amazing! A mix of classy and fun is definitely the way to go. A wine and paint night could be such a nice touch—something relaxed but still special. A private chef is also a game-changer, especially for a chill night in after going out. My friends beta-tested FlowTrip for our Mexico bachelorette, and it saved so much drama with splitting costs and deciding activities. Join the waitlist—perfect timing for your trip! Also, one of the best things we did was a sunset boat cruise with music and cocktails—literally everyone loved it, even the ones who weren’t big on partying!

What’d you decide? I’m also planning right now for Mexico but not sure where yet!

ARCA in tulum is SO GOOD!! For 10 ppl they’ll prob make you do their pre-fixe menu. Or you can split up into 2 groups of 5 and order whatever you want, which is what we did for our mini moon with friends after our wedding.

I heart hartwood is good too but I didn’t get a chance to try it.

Def do a private catamaran. We used Drexel yachts. They will pick you up / drop you off. Unfortunately the marina is in Puerto aventuras so it’s like an hour away

A lot ppl dislike the beach clubs bc they are overpriced but it is what it is. It’s basically nyc prices.

I’m so curious about this! I’ve been torn between Tulum, Cabo or Cancun

Rented an Airbnb in the city I live in and we got dinner on Friday, hung out and chilled all day Saturday at the place, and then went out on Saturday night. Had a blast. A lot of my friends are new moms, so they loved how chill & low stakes everything was.

I'm not doing a traditional bach. Instead I'm going to visit my friends like on long weekends in their respective states and be like I'm here for x days, I'm covering my hotel let's all go for dinner/drinks you guys split the cost. So far everyone is on board. I'm in DC and will be going to NY, Los Angeles, Boston, and Miami. It's also a way for me to include friends who aren't in my bridal party but who I would want to include in my Bach and/or give people who can't make the wedding a chance to celebrate. I'm calling it my world tour 😂

**And philly

We had a joint bachelor and bachelorette party in our hometown- we rented a party boat and just had our friends bring their own drinks if they didn’t want beer or seltzers we brought. I felt people were spending so much to come to the wedding I wanted to celebrate without asking them to spend more.

I just posted this, not sure if it’ll be useful.

Got some good ideas even though it was specific to my situation. Hope it helps!

We are renting a party bus and having a joint bachelorx party. We are asking people to help pay their way for the party bus ($75-100) and have it tour around our city all night long. We will be providing some alcohol and snacks for the crew but BYOB and other snacks. Keeping most of the stops to site seeing to prevent more money spend on clubs.

Of the 8 people invited to my bachelorette, we live in 6 different states. So traveling was inevitable. But I made an anonymous google survey ahead of time to ask budgets and location ideas before even brainstorming to make sure I could be as inclusive as possible when planning.

I think it’s really a know your crowd kind of situation. My group is late twenties/early thirties, no kids, comfortable amount of disposable income so going out of town for birthdays or special events isn’t uncommon, when anyone has gotten engaged the first thing is “where are we going for the bachelorette”.

Also none of the ones I’ve ever been on have been a unilateral decision, it was always to a location and with a budget everyone agreed on. We did a doodle survey for dates, location and budget votes before planning mine.

I’ve always been excited for my friends bachelorettes or even just a birthday weekend away, who doesn’t love a good excuse for a girls trip? No hard feelings for anyone who doesn’t want to or can’t come (if I couldn’t comfortably save I wouldn’t say yes) but I just don’t see any issue with them.

I feel for these people, just because all my friends, except one, live across the country. If I had them here for a bachelorette party, I’d feel terrible making them fly 6 hours each way to go to a bar for one night. Not everyone has friends nearby. I didn’t ask them to come, cause I’d feel horrible about the cost since we’re still fairly young, and just had a day with my friend who lives nearby. But if my friends were in a position where they had expendable income and were able to take time off, I would have loved for them to come and be able to have a traditional bachelorette experience.

Except being only good friends with the bride , it actually makes more sense to do another friend trip later in life

I turned down two destination bachelorettes as a bridesmaid and would do it again. I can technically afford it but there’s so many other things I’d rather spend my money on, like a vacation of my choosing or house renovations. I agree that it’s a bit much to ask of guests.

I think the issue for me is that it’s turned into people EXPECTING this. I have plans for a bachelorette weekend but I plan on paying for the accommodations and the traveling and doing the planning, but a lot of my bridesmaids are out of town so it’s inevitable!

My issue on the other hand is with a friend who currently is planning a shower and bachelorette and basically just billing us for all the costs. She has crazy demands and instead of just covering them herself, she’s going to buy them, and expect us to pay for them.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s where my frustration comes in! Sorry vent over.

I’m planning one locally! I have a group of friends here, and my best friend has flight benefits so she can come out for free. My sisters are a little younger than us so my mom offered to fly them out. We’re doing afternoon tea at a fancy hotel downtown followed by classic bachelorette games!

I didn’t want to do a whole destination weekend because there are a lot of weddings this year in my friend group and I’m trying to keep the budget low for everyone.

I am planning one, well two really.

One is a weekend away in Sydney or Melbourne with just my bridesmaids to see a show (I'm hoping & Juliet will still be on).

The other is here in town with family and friends, it will be pretty low key. Just dinner and drinks, maybe an activity or two but I have been pretty clear to my bridesmaids that I don't want anything dick themed!

I've been with my partner for 15 years and all my friends are in their mid to late 30s, the idea of a wild weekend is just too exhausting!

My friends and I have a tradition that when one gets married we go to a local amusement park. We stay till close then get pizza and alcohol and hve a sleepover. The morning is pancakes. Granted this started because the first to get married did so at 19. But we aren’t club people and at 27 this sounds like a perfect night out for me

We skipped it.

My mom and my three sisters and I are going on a quick little 3 night cruise out of our local port. We had tossed around ideas like Disneyland (also local), a little girls trip to Palm Springs or Joshua Tree, but we decided on the cruise bc we don’t have to worry about food or planning activities really at all lol. Since I’m having a destination wedding anyways and all my friends are scattered, I figure I can have my bachelorette party be more relaxed and my friends can all party with us in New Orleans for the wedding itself :)

I’m going to Echo a few comments, it is absolutely fine to want a destination bachelorette. What matters is that you take your bridesmaids (or the people you want at your bachelorette ) into account. Either you or your maid of honor should send out an anonymous survey asking about budget and whether people are as excited about traveling as you are.

You need to ask those you want to invite.

Get your guest list, see who is interested in a Bach trip to the mountains.

You can ask those who are interested, ask them (individually) what their budgets are. Factor in flights, lodging, activities, Uber, and food. You do something that fits the lowest budget which may mean compromising a lot, but more friends get to attend and celebrate with you.

Or you cost it up yourself and tell them approximately how much it will be per person and that is what they agree to. Possible downside, those who want to and can afford it only go and leaving those with the lower budget not being able to attend.

Figure out which one you want to do.

Have folks fill out an anonymous survey to see if it would be too much. It’s always a trip you and your future husband can take!

I wouldn't feel you were asking too much, but neither would I attend the bachelorette. Thankfully, where I live bachelorettes are still mainly dinner and drinks.

Your decision-making around the bachelorette depends on which you prioritize more- the location, or your friends' ability to attend.

I think it totally depends on your friends. Personally, I have really enjoyed prior destination bachelorette trips because it’s a reason for our friends to get to together and party. However, if I was invited to a bachelorette trip where I didn’t know anyone else besides the bride, I may have some social anxiety about it.