Messaging Platforms and Etiquette
In South Korea, KakaoTalk is the predominant messaging app used for communication, although WhatsApp is also known due to its global reach [1:1]. When texting in Korean culture, it's important to be mindful of manners and not come across as too forward or aggressive. Excessive messaging without allowing time for a response can be perceived as needy and ill-mannered
[1:1].
Frequency and Style of Communication
Texting frequency and style can vary significantly depending on personal preferences and relationship status. In South Korea, couples often share frequent updates, including pictures of their daily activities [2]. However, this level of communication might not suit everyone, as some prefer less frequent contact
[2:1],
[2:5]. It's crucial to communicate your expectations with your partner to avoid misunderstandings
[2:11].
Birthday Messaging Norms
For birthdays, a short, warm, and genuine message is generally the norm in Korea. While long essays are common in Chinese internet culture, they are not typically expected in Korea [3:2]. The key is to acknowledge the occasion thoughtfully without overwhelming the recipient
[3:6].
Cultural vs. Personal Preferences
It's important to distinguish between cultural norms and individual personality traits. While certain behaviors may be prevalent in Korean culture, personal preferences play a significant role in how someone communicates [4:2],
[4:6]. Understanding this distinction can help navigate relationships more effectively.
General Advice
When texting in Korean culture, prioritize politeness and respect for the other person's time. Avoid sending multiple messages if you don't receive an immediate response, and consider calling if the matter is urgent [5:1],
[5:4]. Being considerate of these nuances can help foster better communication and understanding.
I'll try to be objective in what I'm about to say. After a recent break-up, I decided to date again. Just to give some context: I'm Latino and recently moved to the US for my PhD program. Last Thursday afternoon, I met briefly a South Korean girl on the streets.
As we were about to cross the streets side by side, we exchanged a smile. Then, I asked her if she was going to X university, and the conversation unfolded. While talking, she gave me the impression that she was introvert in personality; she was very cute, a bit shy, but very warm and smiley as she seemed comfortable talking with me. We exchanged phone numbers and IGs. It was the best thing that happened to me last Thursday afternoon.
Yesterday morning, around 10 am (yeah, I'm an early bird), I texted her on Whatsapp a very brief message that it was nice to see her the other day and invited her to grab coffee on campus sometime.
So far she hasn't replied, and I doubt she will ever reply to me. A South Korean friend later told me that my message was (a bit) direct for someone who comes from Korea and is been living in the US for less than a month. Also, South Koreans don't typically use WhatsApp, so she might not be accustomed to it. Moreover, he warned me that follow-up messages (too soon) tend to be taken as very obsessive or even creepy, probably due to the culture of South Korea, and suggested I should just say hi again if I ever see her again on campus.
What do you think South Koreans or anyone who has wanted to get to know someone from South Korean in the USA?
I'm not pretending to be naive and either text her again today or this upcoming week or not talking to other girls in the meantime (through apps or hangouts). But, I did find this South Korean girl very interesting to just not send a follow-up message, saying playfully something like: "Haha maybe my coffee invite was too direct. My apologies, just thought I'd be fun to have a coffee break from study grind" (yeah, I've been preparing my follow-up message; it doesn't seem it would hurt her if I send this message. If she doesn't reply, I'll move on).
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South Koreans use KakaoTalk as that is the predominant local messaging/voice app in South Korea but they also use WhatsApp too as that's the FB linked app so using Whatsapp isn't a problem.
Being too forward is definitely a problem and excessive messaging when not allowing her time to respond WILL be a problem as that would seem too needy, forward, aggressive and mostly ill mannered. Within East Asian communities you want to really respect the cultural aspect of mannerisms. Here in the US we're much more free and casual but in Korea it's not, there are unspoken rules of approach and dialogue. Not that it has to be adhered to strictly but you want to make this woman feel somewhat comfortable.
Maybe if she responds try a polite, "hey, want to tour campus together to see what's going on in school and what extracurricular activities they offer?". That would seem much more new-friend oriented vs a direct date invite, which a direct date carries heavy connotation in Korea.
Good luck with this woman, with dating and with your PhD!
What is the normal texting culture in china? In south Korea, of two people are in a relationship, they send texts and updates to each other all the time and even pictures of where they are or what they're eating. The same goes for the Philippines and we even do videocalls a lot.
Is it normal also in china? Or do Chinese couples go on two to three days without checking up on their boyfriend or girlfriend
Regardless of the culture, if my girlfriend texts me constantly and asks me to do the same, our relationship will last no longer than a week.
Even if u really like her and she's pretty, smart, sexy and etc??
Let’s be real, no matter how pretty, smart and sexy a girl is, expecting to answer text immediately, especially just updates of like meals and daily activities is a bit much.
That said though, I also know some Chinese couples that share their real time GPS location with one another 💀 like there’s a big spectrum of attachment on this. And no they have no history of cheating they just wanna know where each other is at all times. And they’re super attached. And this went on for years I think they’re married and they have a kid now too.
So it is very personal, there’s no general expectations on this daily update thing in the dating world, it’s more of the two people in the relationship expect the same thing or not.
I am terrified by the idea of having to check my phone every five minutes while reading a book or watching a movie. So no, I don’t care whether she’s a goddess or not. My personal time belongs to me—not to us.
I don't think it's culture related. It's more of a personal choice. Yes same thing happens to Chinese as well, especially when the relationship is still in honey moon phrase.
I see. So I guess my boyfriend doesn't like me that much. We only started last month. And he didn't call me for three days now
Then text him or call him, why wait for him?
In my experience, it's usually girls in a relationship who like or want to have video calls with their boyfriend.
Personally, I don't like it, and made that clear from the beginning of the relationship, also my girlfriend doesn't like it either.
The main thing is to communicate with your partner, simple as that. Not everyone is the same.
He didnt call or message you for 3 days?
I think you should call him and make clear of your expectations. Just like work, misaligned expectations always end badly.
Nah, it is hst a personal thing. I have 2 childhood friends who I’ve witnessed almost very relationships they been through. They are all merried and have kids now.
One is very “attentive” of his partner almost like a mothrr, love getting updates on and to his partner, would offer every little help he can think of. And you know what, every girl/woman hes been with, are princess type who love his attention.
The other is a manly father type person. Hates having girly small talk about everything, treats responsibility like a soldier. He rarely showing a soft side, but very loyal and committed to people he likes. And of course, almost all his girls are boss lady type independent women.
I see. My boyfriend is like your second friend. He is all about work. But he gives me his time. So when I say I want him to comes to my house and we go out to eat. But he isn't sweet. He doesn't like being sweet with me in public. He doesn't like to hold hands while walking and he doesn't like to sit together or take pictures together
Didn’t call you in 3 days? That’s kinda a red flag for me, no matter how busy he is, there is no way he doesn’t have any time to text you and explain it, it could be a sign of something deeper.
Is it generally expected to send someone a super long 500-word essay expressing how much you like them/are happy for them on their birthday? I know this is a thing in China's popular internet culture but I'm not sure if it's the same in Korea... Or do you just send them a single message that says Happy Birthday or something?
My crush is Korean and her bday is coming really soon so just wondering.
In Korea, birthdays are often celebrated with close friends, family, or significant others. The big deal is usually remembering and acknowledging it on time. Gifts are common among close friends, family, or dating partners. If you’re still in “crush” territory, even a thoughtful message can mean a lot.
Don’t stress about writing a long essay. A short, warm, and genuine birthday message is the social norm in Korea.
Depending on how close you are to her. If you're close friends, it would be okay, but if you're not, she might feel strange. But I don't think there's a rule that applies only to Korea. Just use your common sense.
Thanks for the response. It's just that I've seen memes/skits of people getting mad at their friends for not receiving a long essay on their birthday on Chinese social networks so I'm just wondering if this applies to Korean culture as well.
Please don't send them an essay.
dont be creepy...keep it simple and sweet if you like her. But honestly, life is short, worst she can do is think youre creepy. Younger me, would have taken a lot more chances so.
Could creep her out tbh. I feel like that would be great if you both were dating already. It’s better to keep it simple but sweet and then a give her a Starbucks gift card or something you know she likes.
DON'T DO THAT
[removed]
I wouldn’t say it’s by any means universal, but this style of dating culture definitely exists in Korea and is probably more prevalent here than elsewhere.
Individual personality. Married a Korea woman and she was super quiet and discreet about it. Only her family and her best friend knew we were dating. Once we were engaged she didn’t tell anyone until K visa was done and venue booked. Everyone got an invitation like 2 months prior to date on her side. We’ve been married 15 years and are very happy together. 😊
Well, ...regardless of whether it's cultural or just her personality, ...does it matter? It sounds like you don't like this, so you shouldn't just let it string along and put an end to it then.
That actually brings up a good question of culture vs personality. What’s the difference?
In her view it’s probably that after being intimate she considers you are in a committed relationship and she has expectations from that. This would have been better to communicate about before then, but maybe you need to have a conversation about what you are looking for, what stage you think the relationship is at and what sort of timeline you are thinking.
But ultimately it sounds like you aren’t that into her and it would be kinder to end things and move on
That's funny to see this post because I was dating Korean girl who was complete opposite years ago 😄 She was refusing any posts together or any talks about relationships. Women are different in every country in the world including South Korea
I dislike someone who texts me and never proceeds to specifically state whatever they want. I'd rather you exclude the greetings and go straight to the point.
If I text you and you reply 10 hours later, and the message was delivered, I'm not replying back. Better call directly if you couldn't respond my text on time.
I also hate finding 10 missed calls from the same person😅
Now Imagine someone I like being a late responder. Woi 😔 I’m almost ghosting
😭😭I hate the people who care about response times. If you want an immediate response you should just make a phone call
You must be one of the late responders
Bold of you to assume I'm always looking at my phone or have one message to respond to.
Well a good number of the times yes. I’m not working in a message center
Juzi ilikuwa house rules, now phone rules.
Saving these posts for when I buy a house and a phone✨😂
😂😂What are you using rn?
😁
😅😅😅better save them
Mko na tushida twingi. Always sweating the small stuff.
*mashida mengi
As long as your phone is connected to wifi network, the message will be delivered. Now can you believe I can go for six hours without looking at my phone. Rarely, but I can. Two hours without looking at my phone, that I do almost everyday.
Other people's phone phones are not your phones. If it's urgent, piga simu. You're the one who needed to talk to them in the first place.
I've been trying to learn Korean as a fun hobby, as I love learning languages. Typically when I do this, I try to find some native speakers on language exchange apps so we can practice our learning together. This usually goes really well and I tend to make a casual friend or two during the process.
I'm experiencing a trend with individuals who are from South Korea, though, and I was curious if it was a cultural thing that I just need to grow accustomed to if I want to learn the language. I've "met" a couple gentlemen from SK who happen to live in the US, so it makes it a lot easier for us to talk, given the time zones. Something I've noticed though, is that they are very... intense?
They have strict expectations on like, planning phone calls, video calls, or even something fun like playing video games together. I'm totally open to these things, as I think they will all help us learn and practice the languages we want to grow better in. They have recounted stories of other "online friends" or "language partners" who they have gone off on just because they had to cancel a meeting last minute or forgot the meeting altogether. They get so offended by this that they burn the bridge with that person and delete them on everything? I get that it's inconsiderate, but Americans are just typically more go-with-the-flow and understand life gets busy. I'd never get that mad about someone being late, canceling last minute, or otherwise, because in the grand scheme of things... this is a stranger online who owes me NONE of their personal time.
These two guys have little to no friends because of this, being that they're in the US and they cannot tolerate this common American trait. I'm starting to feel a little nervous about it all? I don't like this feeling of pressure when I was just trying to learn Korean and make some friends along the way.
Is this somewhat serious and regimented mentality just part of Korean culture? Or did I happen to find two fellas who are just really particular about the same things? (those things being messaging regularly, meeting regularly, and NEVER being late or canceling without 24 hr notice)
Any insights would be helpful. Thank you!
since youre a woman and theyre being weird towards you, let me tell you the experiences of me and my friend (in korea)
she didnt speak a word of korean, downloaded hellotalk, was talking to a guy for a bit who made her a korean name randomly and ignored her saying she doesnt like how it sounds. they met for the first time, he tried to feed her and insisted on taking pictures together, holding her hand, and kissed her cheek. when she told him later that day over chat that it was a little intense since she just wanted to practice korean and a friend, he blocked her.
when i tried downloading apps like that to practice korean, i frequently got ghosted once it turned out i already knew korean pretty well, including the culture (and hence wouldnt call a guy 오빠 right away, especially not if he was younger than me. i would also call them out for speaking informally to me right away).
these guys usually arent looking for a language exchange partner, but rather for a nice foreign girlfriend they can show off. and obviously, a nice girlfriend also has to be available 24/7 for them. god forbid you take a shit and dont bring your phone (literally happened to me once, i got spammed so bad 😭)
Oh dear god, that's alarming! I'm so sorry you and your friend have had to deal with men like that and I hope you haven't had to experience anything more in that regard.
I try to make it clear that I'm just interested in friendship and learning. I feel like this could possibly be the case for one of the gentlemen I'm speaking to. He is older than me, but won't even tell me his age, he's VERY private (which I find odd but also understand bc I'm technically just a rando from the internet). He's the one who wants to game together and work on his English? I'm cool with that... but having a regimented schedule to casually game feels off to me. I might give him a chance and if he starts being weird or too demanding of my time, I'll just block him on everything. I can just be another rude ex-internet friend on his long list of them lol
He has a tight schedule because he has to fit in time for you around spending time with his gf/wife.
Anecdotally, every language exchange that I attempted to foster with men, both in North America and in Korea, resulted in finding out that what they were after was an exchange in my bed. ETA: They usually started out as well-planned meet-ups, and then would devolve over time.
That said, my language exchangers with women have been very rewarding. One was a good friend for many years, and others were just lovely humans that I had the joy of getting to know. ETA: Rarely had rigid plans when trying to make time with any of my lady exchange partners.
are you female? That affects everything on their intentions...
Yes, I am and I'm younger than them (not by much). I wasn't sure if that played a factor in how they were acting towards me. They are very polite and fun to talk to, but they have made expectations pretty clear by complaining to me about previous people they've spoken to.
That’s called grooming. You are being assessed. Stop all contact and block them.
/end thread. I can assure you OP they’re not looking to exchange language with a guy and if they did they wouldn’t be treating you this way
Just pay a teacher. Everyone knows those apps moonlight as dating apps.
There is too much to Asian languages that depends on "feeling" and hierarchies, specially if you don't have formal language in your native tongue.
I was thinking that might be my next move. To just pay for online tutoring and be done with the “making friends” part of my mission lol
it's not cultural, these language exchange apps (and in korea, often language/culture exchange spaces) are just full of weirdos. i always tell my friends to meet korean friends in the same settings that koreans meet each others, not in specific places or platforms meant to link foreigners and koreans. for some reason, they're full of creeps who are just looking for foreign girls. i hope you have luck and find some nice people who can help you practice korean without being weird about it!
Thank you so much for this insight and for wishing me luck!! You wouldn’t think it’d be so hard! But there’s a lot of weirdos in this world… 😅😅
Last Wednesday afternoon, I met briefly a South Korean girl on the streets.
As we were about to cross the streets side by side, we exchanged a smile. Then, I asked her if she was going to X university, and the conversation unfolded. While talking, she gave me the impression that she was introvert in personality; she was very cute, a bit shy, but very warm and smiley as she seemed comfortable talking with me. We exchanged phone numbers and IGs. It was the best thing that happened to me last Thursday afternoon.
Sunday morning, around 10 am (yeah, I'm an early bird), I texted her on Whatsapp to grab coffee
So far she hasn't replied, and I doubt she will ever reply to me. A South Korean friend later told me that my message was (a bit) direct for someone who comes from Korea and is been living in the US for less than a month. Also, South Koreans don't typically use WhatsApp, so she might not be accustomed to it. Moreover, he warned me that follow-up messages (too soon) tend to be taken as very obsessive or even creepy, probably due to the culture of South Korea, and suggested I should just say hi again if I ever see her again on campus.
What do you think South Koreans or anyone who has wanted to get to know someone from South Korean in the USA?
I'm not pretending to be naive and either text her again today or this upcoming week or not talking to other girls in the meantime (through apps or hangouts).
Your follow up message sounds good to me. Just sit on it for a while.
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Honestly, if she was interested in you, she would've texted you back. Asking someone for coffee isn't too direct. I would just move on.
A second message is overstepping your bounds imo.
If you just take the whole "she's shy and Korean" out of the equation, and let's say she's an outgoing American woman. The fact is that from the scenario you describe - randomly talking to a stranger (cold approach) - getting their contact info. The chance that this woman will reply to your messages after just a short interaction like this is probably around 10-20%.
So 80-90% of the time, my guess, you won't get a response. And this is normal. Because most women don't want to date you even if you seem cool and you exchange contact info. Because you didn't ask her out before changing contact info. You just asked for contact info which could be interpreted as friendly.
This woman could have a boyfriend. She could find you ugly as heck. There's just no way to know because you two barely interacted. She might even find you scary and repulsive and maybe she just gave her contact info so that you would leave quickly and leave her alone.
Point is: don't read too much into it. Move on.leave her alone if she doesn't respond. That's my opinion anyway
[deleted]
This has nothing to do with ADHD. If you’re getting ghosted then it kinda just is what it is. Especially if you’ve never even met in person once before? Getting ghosted by someone online isn’t uncommon so don’t take it to heart. If it turns out the person has an actual reason for not responding then congrats, but def don’t be too clingy or it might set you up for an imbalanced relationship.
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Oh you meant there’s a history of not responding 2-5 days at a time? I can’t speak for everyone but I really don’t think not responding for days at a time is an ADHD thing..? I feel like usually obsessiveness is more common (hyperfocusing on a person). Forgetfulness is definitely a symptom of ours but it’s hard for me to imagine you’re a potential romantic interest for him if he’s forgetting to respond for up to 5 days at a time regularly
This still puts Ikjun's definition (and Songhwa's understanding) of "villain" into context. People like "villains".
If anyone's wondering, the way I got the Korean and English subs to show up at the same time was via the Chrome extension, "Language Learning with Netflix" - it's really good, would recommend 👍
As someone who is completely incapable of learning the korean alphabet, these transliterated subtitles might just give my korean learning some hope.
Yeah it’s been extremely helpful I love it, that and Viki does it too tho I haven’t used that yet since I just got the paid version.
OMG I love you so much right now!
Thank you so much!
Neat, thanks!
Instantly reminded me of Jeenie Weenie haha:
What a great series this was
my favorite series of all time to date
Hanguk saram deul
If i remember correctly you could communicate by just adding space between every letter. Like „h a l l o“. Is this true or just an urban legend?
I’m pretty sure this is literally where KEK came from.
It translates to L O L cross faction.
> In the online multiplayer role-playing game WoW, released on November 23rd, 2004, players can choose to play on either the Alliance or Horde factions, which are considered enemies within the game's universe. Players of separate factions are unable to communicate with one-another, as their typed text is run through an in-game translator. For players of the Horde faction, typing the letters "LOL" results in members of the Alliance faction reading "KEK".
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/kek
E: Nvm, it was the other way around. Lol turns into kek.
No
Okay. That explains why no hordy answered ��
3 1 p f 12 a f 3
bur
"You're an evil Korean" I laughed harder than I should have.
how to text in korean culture
Key Considerations for Texting in Korean Culture:
Formality Levels: Korean language has different levels of formality. Use polite language (존댓말) when texting someone older or in a formal context. Casual language (반말) is acceptable among close friends or younger individuals.
Use of Emojis and Stickers: Koreans often use emojis, stickers, and GIFs to express emotions and add a playful tone to their messages. Platforms like KakaoTalk offer a wide range of fun stickers.
Short and Concise Messages: Texts are generally brief and to the point. Avoid overly long messages unless necessary.
Response Expectations: It's common for Koreans to respond quickly to texts, especially in casual conversations. If you don't reply promptly, it may be perceived as disinterest.
Use of Honorifics: When addressing someone in a text, especially if they are older or in a higher position, use their title or honorifics to show respect.
Group Chats: Group chats are popular in Korean culture, especially among friends and family. They can be lively and filled with various media.
Takeaways:
Recommendation: If you're unsure about the level of formality, err on the side of politeness. It’s better to start formal and then adjust based on the other person's responses.
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